Ignorance Isn't Bliss

This week is National HIV Testing Week and it exists for a very important reason.

It’s also an opportunity for me to share my own story which if you don’t know it already, I hope may prove helpful.

In 1987 I was 21. Legally old enough to have a same sex relationship and working as a postman in Sheffield, my hometown.

One of the things we had to deliver at that time was a leaflet about AIDS which was to go through every letterbox in the UK. The Government launched a major advertising campaign with the slogan "AIDS: Don't Die of Ignorance" and it was scary stuff.

This was to be the last time that a major nationwide campaign about HIV was to be delivered in this country and there was a lot of hysteria.

Because I was so very obviously gay, people used to shout the word ‘AIDS’ at me as it was something they presumed I was bound to acquire (even though I hadn’t had sex with another man at that time.)

I was rather a late developer but I eventually made up for lost time. I encountered many men and I wondered if many of them were HIV positive, though it was never talked about. I tried to make sure I always played safely. I say try as with many situations things sometimes got a bit out of control. So much so that I went for a yearly HIV test as I was terrified of becoming HIV positive.Year after year my test results came back negative and I  admit to becoming a little complacent in thinking that whatever I was doing I must have developed the right tactics to keep the virus at bay.

Well fate has a way of telling you that you don’t know anything and sometime during 1998 I began to get seriously ill. I lost about a stone and went down to 120 llbs. I couldn’t eat solid food and the diagnosis from my GP was Crohn’s disease, a chronic inflammatory condition which causes stomach pains, diarrhoea, and weight loss. He didn’t asked me about my sex life and I didn’t volunteer any information.

I never twigged that these were symptoms of HIV infection and soon ended up in hospital on the Wirral were I was living with my long term partner . No-one could work out what was wrong with me until they recognised that my illness seemed to follow the pattern of HIV infection.

So arrogant was I that I had not succumbed to the virus that I agreed to an HIV test and went along for my results waiting to be told I was negative yet again but all of a sudden everything had changed.
I had to sign off work , think about starting HIV medications and go on incapacity benefit (good luck to anybody these days if you think this is a way to sustain yourself.

I was diagnosed in October 1999 and started meds in January 2000 as it was quite clear my body needed some assistance in building up its immune system.

Because of the advance in combination therapy treatments in the mid 1990’s I took to the drugs really well . I am currently on two tablets a day and when I hear about the problems some people have with drugs not working out for them I consider myself very lucky.

Obviously this whole experience changes your life and in my early 30’s I wondered if I could ever work again. Even though I was supported by my partner I felt the need to get involved in something but what could I do?

I saw an advert in Manchester’s Clone Zone store for sexual health outreach workers and I knew that this was something I should do so off I trotted to The Lesbian & Gay Foundation where I have been since August 2000. I can honestly say the last 12 years have been the most rewarding (if sometimes challenging!) of my life.

I wonder if I had been sexually active in those early days of the 1980s, would I be here now?

 

What would have happened to me if I hadn’t had that test?

 

It really doesn’t bear thinking about. I would say to anyone who is scared or doesn’t think they need to go for a HIV test please make sure you get checked up regularly and if you need support make sure you get it.

Nobody is perfect and we should all endeavour to wear condoms all of the time but this isn’t always enough.

Fortunately there are more of us alive these days to tell our stories and able to fight the stigma so that we can share our stories publicly. But it isn’t always easy.

Over the last decade I have met some fantastically inspirational people who just happen to be HIV positive and we could all learn a lot form each of them.

Please make sure you look after your health. I learned before it was too late and I am so grateful that I did.

For help and support:

www.lgf.org.uk/testing

https://www.tht.org.uk/thinkhiv

http://www.ght.org.uk/